Dear BP

Dear BP,

Preliminary reports are saying that the gushing flow of  oil leak in the Gulf has been capped.

I'm sure you have all been patting each other on the back and telling each other what a great job you did.

Before you celebrate too much, let's remember what you have done.

Get back to work.  Bastards.


~Shara O' Ryan  

Dear BP....

Dear Scum-sucking, Environment-destroying bastards BP,


The explosion on the Deepwater Horizon oil rig happened on April 20, 2010.  It is now July 14th.  The flow of oil hasn't been stopped.  It hasn't even been slowed down!  If anything, we keep hearing how it's getting worse!


You keep trying different methods to halt this leak (aka "gushing flow of oil," but leak sounds ever so much better, don't you think?  Doublespeak is alive and well) - methods that have been used in the past for other spills and didn't work.


How can BP - a multi-billion dollar company - operate a rig and have no way of stopping a gushing flow of oil  leak from that rig?  


It's like having a vicious dog and no leash, no muzzle - then acting surprised when the damn thing gets loose and attacks someone and having no way to control it.  If that happened with a private citizen, there would be criminal charges, jail time.  "You should have known something might happen and you should have taken precautions!"  the judge would tell the private citizen as he's sent off to jail.


But no, that won't happen with you, will it?  You're rich, powerful, and have a horde of lawyers that you pay to keep you out of jail and raking in profits.  How can you be bothered with trying to make sure your operations are safe, right?  


Tell that to the 11 workers that were killed on your oil rig.  I hope their families sue you blind and that they pursue criminal charges against you.


The Gulf Coast may never recover from this.  I don't live on the Gulf Coast, but I do live in a coastal city, and there is a real threat that this will eventually reach my beaches.  The photos I see from the Gulf Coast are heart-wrenching,  but the thought of seeing the same thing happen to my home....is devastating.


What happens when half of the United States is unable to use her coastal waters for fishing?  What happens when residents of the Gulf and East Coasts are unable to stay in their homes because of this toxic disaster you've unleashed?  


You won't care.  You'll be in your huge house in another country, collecting your dividends and paychecks.


But I care.  Yes, me.  A nobody.  Not rich.  Not famous.  Not powerful.  


And I'm going to do something about it.  


I will be fighting for efforts to be focused on helping the Gulf recover, and financially supporting them.


I will be supporting and promoting those who are against you, like BPGlobalPR.  


I will be rallying for the cause of ending our dependence on oil.  Not just foreign oil, but ALL oil.  (See OilFreeby2020  )


I will be lobbying for efforts to help make sure this oil gush spill doesn't reach my home - by contacting my representatives NOW and urging them to start taking action.


So congratulations.  You now have started a movement.


Unfortunately, it's one that is working for your demise.  Enjoy.


~ Shara O' Ryan

Trying a new church tomorrow

So.  Not much more to add to that, is there?  I'll be going to a new church tomorrow.


I hope it goes well.  For everyone.  

An update

It's been a while since I've updated this blog, so....here I am.


I went to church a time or two.  Still disappointing. 


I had a relative die very quickly and unexpectedly.  It was a shock, and it truly made me realize how fragile and temporary life is.


So this update isn't very inspirational or enlightening, just....there.  


Hopefully I'll have more later.

Every so often, you find something that just strikes a chord with you....

In doing some research for a completely unrelated (or so I thought) subject, I came across information about solar cookers.

(You can see more information about solar cooking here:  http://www.solarcookers.org/index.html  )

I know - it doesn't sound too earth-shattering, does it? But after doing more and more research about it, I have found that helping provide women around the world with solar cookers, we can help do so much.  They can feed their families without spending so much of their money on fuel costs.  They don't need to walk for miles to get firewood.  They lead healthier lives because they don't inhale smoke and fumes every day when cooking.

Here in the US, it could help people cut cooking costs, plus help save money on cooling their homes in the summer.  Know how hot your house gets when you cook?  Not when you have a solar cooker.

I'll post some more soon, but this is something I'm going to be talking about for a long time to come, I can tell.

Another Dream, Another Talent Contest

Another dream about a talent contest?  


This time I didn't get to see the end, but it was the same basic idea - I had no talent, but the others did.


Beginning to see a theme here....

My Dream

I'm writing this down because ....well, I'm really not sure where else to put it, but I wanted to write it out before I forgot the details.

I was at a week-long competition.  It was a talent competition, basically.  People were there to sing, dance, etc.

You spent a week living at this place (huge, older hotel - very grand and beautiful) - practicing, living with the judges and other contestants, having elimination rounds, etc.


There were people there who had absolutely phenomenal talents - singers, dancers, actors - and of them were just as good as the people famous in their field today.   


The final day of the competition, we were all in one area, and there was a commotion going on.  I moved closer to the source of that commotion and found several judges and contestants upset and flustered because an older woman was there and no one understood what she was saying.  The competition was about to start and they couldn't find out what she needed (so they could get rid of her).


As I moved closer and listened, I found that she was speaking English, but it was with one of our local dialects (which is nearly impossible to understand if you're not familiar with it).   I smiled at the others and said to go ahead with the competition, that I would help the woman and then join them. 


The woman was asking what she should feed her son.  He liked unhealthy foods and she wanted alternatives.  I gave her some ideas; she thanked me and then I was on my way.


By the time I had gotten to the competition, I had lost my spot and was told I'd have to wait until the very end to perform.  I sat and waited.


When it came to be my turn, I took the stage.  I was in awe of the other contestants.  They were so talented.  


I took the microphone and looked at the judges.  I said:


"My parents asked me why I entered this competition.  I can't sing.  I can't dance.  I can't act. Hell, half the time I can barely string together 6 words to form a coherent sentence."  I paused and smiled. "But I have always been able to make people laugh.  That's why I'm here."  Then I woke up.


----------------------------


This dream spoke to me very clearly.  I'll give my interpretation of it later today (or maybe tomorrow).

Church was disappointing today

I went back to church today after being gone for a long time.


I really wish that I could say that the angels sang and bells went off and I had some wonderful epiphany and was brought to tears by my triumphant return.


But I can't.


To be perfectly honest, I am not even sure why I went.  No one greeted me.  I was completely lost in my Sunday school class because they had started a new series - I didn't have a book; no one offered to share theirs with me, and no one said anything about what they had studied previously in order to try and help those of us that had missed last week.  (Or, in my case, the last six months....)


So.... I'm not really sure how I feel right now.  I mean, I know what emotions I'm having right now - sadness, disappointment, etc. - but I'm not really sure how I'm feeling about the whole church thing.
  
Will I go back? I don't know. 


Part of me wants to say yes - that I shouldn't make a decision on just one week.  


Part of me wants to say no - I really did not feel welcome at all.  


Part of me says that I don't need to go - and I would be just fine staying home.


You know, I know how people act when a new person comes to church.  I've seen it.  I've experienced it.  Most church people are trained to fawn all over new people when they show up at church.  "Get them saved."  Okay, great.


But what about if they aren't new?  What if they are going through a rough time?  It seems like if you dare to be honest and say that you're questioning your faith that other churchgoers back away like you carry the plague.


Is faith so fragile that others are afraid they'll "catch" a lack of it just by associating with you?


In John 20, verses 24-28, Thomas (a disciple) doubted that Jesus was alive, and he told the others so.  He said that (paraphrasing) "unless I see Jesus and put my hands where the scars from the nails and sword were, I won't believe it."  


Did Jesus appear later and say, "You miserable doubter.  Go straight to Hell"?


No.


Jesus went right to him in verse 27 and said to put his hands in his scars and have the proof he needed to believe.  Did he chide Thomas a little?  I think so, judging from His words.  But I don't think it was meant as condemnation, but a gentle chiding - I don't think it was harsh at all.


Anyway, I'm going to go mull over what happened today and make some more decisions, I guess.  I'm pretty bummed about the whole thing, to be honest.

The 24 Hour Pledge

Before I start, I have something I want to show you.

Isn't it cute!?  I got it from my daughter!  She spent some of her birthday money and surprised me with it.  (I love Hello Kitty.  I have a Hello Kitty purse, wallet, etc.  She wanted my to clip it to my purse, which I did, of course.)  


Why did I share that with you?  Well, other than the fact that it's adorable (did I mention how much I love Hello Kitty?) - and I was tickled pink that my daughter bought it for me - it shows one thing:  when you try to make other people feel better and you make a conscious effort to brighten their day, it is returned to you.


So this brings me to today's topic:  The 24 Hour Pledge.


To be honest, I'll work to find a better name for it, but basically it comes down to this:


I'm not a politician.  I'm not rich.  I don't have media influence or celebrity status; but there is one thing I can do - for the next 24 hours, I can pledge to make my little corner of the universe a better place.


I can send a card, share a hug, smile at strangers, mow someone's lawn, babysit for a single parent or do any number of things.


Will you join me?


I hope you will.  I hope you'll post a comment on the blog saying you will join me.  I also hope you'll post about what you did in your little corner of the universe as a comment.


If everyone works on their own little corner of the universe.....pretty soon the corners become neighborhoods, then streets, then communities, then countries.....and finally, the world.

Helping others

To be honest, if my time were very short on this Earth, I wouldn't be focusing on much more than the things I listed already - making sure my family is safe and they know I love them.


But.....I have more than 24 hours to live (hopefully), so my actions are different.


I've started asking "How can I make someone else's day better?"


Two things popped into my head, actually.


There are two things I love to do.  Really, really love to do.  I love Twitter.  And I love to send cards.


So today  I sent cards to both parents - really sweet, mushy ones and I can't wait until they get them.  I'll let you know what the reaction is.  :D


And then there's Twitter.  I'm spending some time today trying to brighten the days of the people I follow and who follow me.  (If you're not on Twitter, you won't "get" that at all, but trust me - it's a good thing.)


I'm also going to send cards to others.  I'm going to try and send at least one a day, and hope I can brighten someone's day by doing it.


Take some time today to make someone's day better - no matter how small the gesture, it will be appreciated.  Trust me.

I am not ashamed to say I cried over this.....

I asked my daughter what she would do if she had 24 hours to live.


(We had been watching the news about the plane crash that killed the nearly 100 people.  This wasn't just out of the blue.)


Her answer literally made me cry.


After a little bit of hemming and hawing, she looked at me and said:


"I would get in your lap like and have you rock me and tell me everything would be okay, just like you did when I was little."


(I am tearing up just typing it now.)


My daughter.  The one who acts like I am the most uncool person on the planet 90%  of the time.  


There's just nothing else I can even think to add.  I'm going to go hug her again....

Returning to my faith

The worst part about everything that's been going on before the past week or so is about my faith - or lack thereof.


I don't question the existence of God.  I may question organized religion's interpretation of what God is and represents, but I don't question that God exists.


There was a time when I didn't question that Jesus was who he said he was.  To be honest, I began to question that.  Now I'm back to being more secure in that belief.


But I had stopped reading my Bible.  Stopped praying.  Stopped talking to God.  No Bible study.  Nothing. 


Organized religion is....still not something I desire at this point.  Maybe soon?  I'm not sure.


For now, though, I'm happy that I'm at least back to reading my Bible (I'm ashamed to say that I had to really search for it before I found it) and spending time in communion with God.


It's a start.


Maybe this week I'll start looking into churches to attend next Sunday.

Today - day spent with the kids.

Making more time for the kids is a big change for me.


Don't get me wrong - I always spent time with the kids, but it's wasn't really interactive time.  it was just....I dunno, sharing the same air, but not really fun interaction.


Example:  We're in the living room, but I'm on my laptop (online), Daughter is on her iPod; #1 Son is one his PSP, and #2 Son is playing his DS.  All with the TV on.


So today we went for pizza and games.  Instead of just letting them go and play games and I stay at the table (like usual), I played, too!  It was awesome.  And I BEAT them!  Muahahahahaha!  (I am the air hockey queen!  Be in awe of me!  :D)


Might go back out later.  Maybe to the park.  It's beautiful out. :)

Focusing on things that don't really matter (not any more)

Today I was upset over something that was truly not important, but takes up a great deal of my time.


I had to take a step back.  Deep breath.  Get some perspective.


"Would this really bother me if I only had 24 hours left?  Would I even care?"


No.  Not at all.  It's a hobby, not anything important.  It's for fun, and I'm cutting back on my time for doing anyway so I can focus more on what's REALLY important:  my family.


It's amazing how that one question has changed my focus.....

The big question...

I've started asking this question a lot lately:


"Would I be doing this/worrying about this/focusing on this if I had only 24 hours left?"


I am really surprised at the number of times I say, "No."


Does that mean I don't do it?  Not necessarily.  Hobbies are an important part of life.  Recreation is healthy.  Fun is an integral part of an enjoyable life.


The difference is....balance.  And stress relief.  Perspective is a wonderful thing.


It's helped me be calmer.  Make better decisions.  Rearrange my life.


I'm liking it.

Changes

This past week has been quite eye-opening.

I had come to a crossroads in so many things:

• family
• life direction
• faith

I just....I dunno.  So many things.

Maybe one day I'll go into detail, but right now it's just too painful.

But I've been making changes:

• Cutting way back on my online time.
• Taking more time with family.
• Getting back to hobbies I used to enjoy:  art, reading, etc
• Connecting with friends with phone calls and written notes (not emails)
• Getting outside more.

My mood is better.  I'm more energized.  I feel more.....whole.

How ironic that a blog about dying makes me enjoy and appreciate living more.

Inspirational

I don't need to add anything.  The video says it all.....

My lists

Yes, I said "lists."


I was surprised to find that I actually had two different lists.


List One: 


If there were some disaster happening - something to devastate the globe - then I'd calm my kids and spend time with my family.  I'd talk with them about what was going to happen, help them make peace and then enjoy being with them in the time we had left.  I'd go online for a bit and say my goodbyes to my online friends.


List Two would be drastically different.


If I were the only one dying, I'd want my kids/family to remember me well and know how much I loved them.  

• I'd hug them.  A lot. 
• I'd apologize for the things I could have done better.  
• I'd talk about good memories.  
• I'd give them advice for the future.
• I'd tell them not to grieve too long.
• I'd hug them some more.
• I'd make sure my affairs were in order.
• I'd take a few minutes to say goodbye to online friends.
• I'd call people I haven't seen in years, but are on my heart and mind, and say goodbye.

I'm sure I'll add more to this list, but this is a start.

So....

Today I took each of my kids and my spouse in my arms and gave them a long hug (not the quick ones we usually give) and looked them in the eyes and said, "I love you.  You mean more to me than breathing.  Don't ever forget that."

It felt good.  I plan on doing it often.

What would you do......?

It's 3:15 am and I've been up watching too many YouTube videos.


Earthquakes, bombings, asteroids, polar shifts, disease, and so much more.


It's got me thinking:  What if.....?


I didn't start this blog to panic people - far from it.


I just got to thinking, "What would I do if I found out I had only 24 hours to live?


It's really eye-opening.


I'm going to share my list tomorrow, but for now, I want you to think about what you would do.....with only 24 hours left to live.